Do you want to know a secret?

You'd better promise not to tell. Because, I'm a little tipsy and I'm treating this blog like Vegas. What happens here stays here. Except, I realize that's not true. I'm posting on the internet, for crying out loud. What happens here can be immediately linked to thousands of millions of people. NEVERTHELESS, I am going to use this blog to spill my guts. SO, I think we'll start with my trashy side. You already know I'm a drunkard (as evidenced by the last post...and the fact that tonight, I've polished off a bottle of wine by myself), but did you know I'm a little trashy. In the vein of Frodo (my ubiquitous hobbit--dubbed by his own dear selfs), I'll share a bit of the one recent, slightly trashy, sexual exploit I some how managed to have over break.

Over break, I drove to Tejas to do the obligatory family thing and catch up with friends who are still around. I have been saying for months that I'm in desperate need of some action (ANY action), and Impatience took me up on this. She heard my cry and answered in the form of one of her friends and a delightful post-New Year's party. Her exact words were, "You remember L? He's coming. He's always horny and up for anything." Although I always doubt the veracity of a man's interest, I thought I'd give it a shot. After all, we had a history. * So, during my first smoke break of the evening (I only smoke twice a year...during breaks. It's allowed), the fact that, as a singer, I shouldn't be interested in smoking, came up. I mumbled something about an oral fixation (shocker, I know. I have one. Who woulda thunk?) and he grinned and said we should do something about it. I smiled and said that I agreed. He said, "Great. So, we're making out later?" I said, "We sure are." There was a brief pause where he exhaled and laughed. "Awesome.", he said. "No. Really.", I countered. "We really are." "Really?" "REALLY." Fast forward through some blasé flirting to us spooning on Impatience's bed, with Impatience on the end of the spooning chain. I started playing with his hair and his hand started roaming out of Impatience's sight line. She excused herself to use the restroom and he rolled over slightly and huskily stammered, "Dear GOD, that thing you're doing with my hair is incredible. We're fooling around. As soon as she comes back for her PJ's and goes back to the bathroom, IT. IS. ON." And it was. A little making out, some heavy petting and a polite knock on the bedroom door from Impatience, herself, left me severely dissatisfied and annoyed with Impatience's cock blocking skills. Fortunately for me, after she furiously muttered, "Don't you DARE do it on my bed.", L decided it was time to check out the walk-in closet. Keep in mind please, that this is Texas. A walk in closet can be the size of some small bedrooms in Illinois. And this one was. It was roomy and dark and just off the bathroom (the only place in Impatience's home where people were not gathered for long periods of time). He made some lame excuse about "checking out whether or not [the air mattress he brought with him] 'll fit in there." However, this excuse (while thinly veiled), did what it needed to do. It got us in a "private room", in the dark, with something other than the floor or a hard bathroom floor to fool around on. I'll spare you, dear reader, the intimate details, but suffice to say we went to town. On an air mattress. With no sheets. In a closet. Trashy.

Fast forward about one relatively unsatisfying (on my part) hour later....I left to take out my contacts. He said, "But, you'll be back, right?" I assured him I would, but upon my return nearly 15 minutes later, he was asleep. I didn't want to a) wake him or b) spend the night in the closet. SO, I did exactly what any woman in her right mind would do and I left him alone to go sleep in Impatience's bed. The next morning, I had to remove "personal affects" from the closet, which I almost did without waking him. As soon as he awoke, though, he started trying to be chatty and keep up a conversation. At which point, I said, "No. REALLY, L. I have to go. I should have been on the road nearly 20 minutes ago. Had fun. Thanks and I'll see you...when I see you?" I finally had to just leave, but not before paying Impatience. I owed her $15 for the party, but gave $20, because I had a good time. :) So, in reviewing the "Nora does it like a man" theory... 1) She says what she wants and goes for it. And sometimes, succeeds. 2) She doesn't really care where she does it as long as she can rock out with reckless abandon. 3) She is willing to pay for a good time. 4) She doesn't want to cuddle, talk, or spend the night. And if she does spend the night, she doesn't want to talk in the morning, either.

Relationships are different (I think?...haven't been in a "real" one in about 6 years. Wow. That's much more pathetic writing it out than it is just saying it). But, this was good times...no phone calls, no talks about feelings or when we'll see each other again.


Edit: ...and I just woke up. I wrote this at about 2 a.m. last night, when I thought it was a really good idea to share the intimate details of my personal life with the internet. In the interest of Karma, I'll keep it up and actually post it. But, I think this post is a lot less brilliant in the face of sobriety.


*More embarassing story for later days.